When Colin and I got married (21 years ago!), we had three choices for marriage prep: a day retreat, a weekend retreat, or a series of 12 weekly sessions hosted by a mentor couple in their home. We chose the latter, because we thought it sounded the most “hard core,” and being theology majors and all, we were attracted to anything that proposed to blend spiritual rigor and coffee.
"Hard core" turned out to be more like a few funny stories and snacks. Looking back, though, I realize now that even a hard core program can’t truly prepare anyone for the realities of marriage. And neither can any of these books, so that’s not the goal in sharing this list. Rather, these books have given me some weighty insights into authentic love as it applies to the vocation to marriage and family.
Mothers of the Saints: This is one of my favorite books of all time, where I first read about St Zélie Martin and St Margaret of Scotland. It is now out of print, but no worries—you can usually find used copies. I love the very simple, no-frills biographies of about a dozen women who reared future saints or were canonized themselves. The real gem in this book is the end of each chapter, where the author lists several "For Your Life" bullet points of practical applications drawn from these women's lives. I love giving this book as a gift for wedding or baby showers.
Three to Get Married: Full disclosure: just getting through the first paragraph takes forever—not because it’s too thick or cerebral to understand, but because every sentence is good enough to be its own post. I find myself saying that’s good, must highlight… and then looking back to realize I have highlighted the entire page. There are few spiritual masters more practical and profound than F.J. Sheen.
The Story of a Family: The Home of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux: When Colin gave me this book one Christmas, I admit that the sappy cover design turned me off. I am a design snob, it turns out. I could only dread the goody-two-shoes syrup that awaited me on the pages. When I finally cracked it open with a sigh, I didn't put it down again for a week. I'm talking a one-handed week, y'all. Now, I am admittedly predisposed to love anything related to Thérèse, so this extremely thorough biography of her family appealed to me right away. What I really loved about this book, though, wasn't the part devoted specifically to Thérèse. The first few chapters delved into the life stories of both Zélie and Thérèse's father, Louis, referencing their personal letters and journals in a way that made it possible for a lazy American working mom to feel connected to two of the holiest people who ever ate baguettes.
A Family of Saints: The Martins of Lisieux: This is the updated edition of the book above.
A Call to a Deeper Love: The Family Correspondence of the Parents of Saint Therese of the Child Jesus: Zélie wrote prolific letters that are a treasury of insight into how a saint navigates life, with all its ordinary stress and complications and all its wonders.
By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride: I once met Alice von Hildebrand, the author of this classic, at the home of my college professor who was close friends with her. Her wisdom here is a priceless treasury for any wife seeking to be, as she calls it, "an artist of love." She addresses the highs and lows, the ordinariness and the transcendence of marriage.
Till We Have Faces: Picture this: a young husband and a wife get on a plane headed for Key West. They are both avid readers, so when the plane takes off, they pull out their material. She opens up something really meaningful and deep like InStyle while he cracks open Till We Have Faces. Not surprisingly, she finishes reading her stuff before they even land. So she now faces the week ahead without anything to read. If you are like her (me), this is a near-panic event. She quickly blows through shampoo labels, cereal boxes, and billboards, all the while rebuffing her husband’s offer to read his book because she just knows it’s some dense ridiculousness that only a philosophy major could love. Then, finally, in a moment of desperation, she picks it up. She begins reading. She was right! It is dense and philosophical. But it is also amaaazing. She has never read anything that captures so many nuances of what it means to really, really love unselfishly, to love purely, to love unconditionally, to love like God. She feels a creeping admiration for her husband’s taste in books. Her husband feels vindicated. Now they can paper-rocks-scissors over who gets to reread it on the way home.
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