God, I do not love You.
I do not even want to love You.
But.
I want to want to love You.
I want to want.
Teresa of Ávila prayed this, long before she authored the great spiritual memoir The Interior Castle, long before she was memorialized in Bernini's famous sculpture of her ecstasy. From this blunt and honest prayer grew a great mystic and Doctor of the Church, who never lost her refreshing pragmatism and practical faith.
Teresa Sánchez de Cepeda Dávila y Ahumada was born in 1515 into the wealthiest family in Ávila, Spain. As a little girl, Teresa loved the lives of the saint, especially the adventure and drama of the Faith. At age 7, she ran away from home with her brother in an attempt to seek martyrdom. She entered religious life reluctantly at first, choosing the Carmelites intentionally because they were known to enjoy a much more relaxed, less rigorous life than most other orders. Through spiritual reading, especially St Augustine's Confessions, Teresa began a deeper, truer conversion that ultimately led to her mystical gifts and role as a major reformer of then-lukewarm and corrupt monastic life.
What can we learn from Teresa?
Be honest with God. Say what you really mean. Hiding and false words are futile fig leaves on the heart.
Why? Because God is more good than you could ever imagine.
Her last words were: "My Lord, it is time to move on. Well then, may your will be done. O my Lord and my Spouse, the hour that I have longed for has come. It is time to meet one another."
Teresa's feast is October 15.
Books by and about St Teresa of Avila
St. Teresa of Avila Three Book Treasury - Interior Castle, The Way of Perfection, and The Book of Her Life (Autobiography): Three of Teresa's works of spiritual advice and wisdom, complete and unabridged, together in one volume
The Interior Castle: A Modern Translation: A fresh and faithful modern translation that makes her insights accessible for those of us living 500+ years after her
The Interior Castle or the Mansions of St. Teresa of Avila: New Study Guide Edition: A reader-friendly translation that includes questions for study as a group or class
Let Nothing Disturb You: 30 Days with a Great Spiritual Teacher: Selections from her work arranged into morning and evening reflections
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